physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
