yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
