Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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