I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
