I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
