Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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