Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize