Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
