The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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