she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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