That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
