Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
