When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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