This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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