Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
