just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You can't motorboat a personality
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
