Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
