My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
