My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
