take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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