I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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