did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
