Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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