I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
