in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
