There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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