Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
