I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
