if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
