i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just high enough for therapy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
