Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
accomplished twins. life is a go
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
