Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
