i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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