He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
