I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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