I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
