That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
