I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
