This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You smell like stripper and shame
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize