I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
