i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
