I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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