I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
