why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
