It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize