my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
