I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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