why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
