Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
