i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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