we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
