Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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