My sheets look like a crime scene.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
