I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
