Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
