my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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