Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
