I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
