found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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