Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
