i think my tv is drunk
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
