Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
3pm strippers are depressing
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
