First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my shit smells like andre
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
