i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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