I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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