Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
