Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize