I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
