Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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