I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
