So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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