I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
