i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
