I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
everyone is single if you try hard enough
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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